I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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