Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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