Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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