Got a toothbrush?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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