It's just like the Real World with babies
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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