sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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