And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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