i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
