My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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