Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
