she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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