Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize