watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
