those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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