Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this boner is exhausting
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
