I could have mohawked her pubes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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