I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He passed out mid-signature
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
