Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
