theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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