i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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