oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
