Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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