My first STD was from a foam party
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
