I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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