You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
