how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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