fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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