Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize