hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize