i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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