you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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