I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
