So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
