I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
