STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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