I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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