my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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