Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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