The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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