At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Welp...herpes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
