We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
