Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
