There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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