He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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