i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
