We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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