He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
