Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
