Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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