He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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