Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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