Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize