so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
