I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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