He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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