So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
