I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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