He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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