you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
