OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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