I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think my moral compass just broke
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
