i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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