Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you never un-have a 4some
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
