Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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