dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
