Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i think im in europe. pls send help
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize