she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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