i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize