Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
