i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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