So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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