He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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