i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have already put on my inside pants.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize