I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
