I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize