You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
