I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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