I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
