Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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