you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
