I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
