woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
