I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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