So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
