I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
