He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
