If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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