I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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