Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
