When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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