just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I will pee on everything he values.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
